About me, Let me Inspire you

I am writing this blog to raise awareness to women all over the world. I am  a 26 year old female, newly diagnosed with stage two invasive breast cancer. The smartest choice I have made so far, was not dismiss myself and getting my lump checked out.

I ask you to please stay on the safe side and get your boobies checked out, if you can once a year or once every six months, because you never can be too sure. Had I waited any longer, cancer would have now, not only be the tumour in my breast, but infecting my entire body. Do not fall for myths for I am a living proof that you can get breast cancer younger then the age of 30+ and it is not always hereditary, only 5% or 10% of women with breast cancer was passed down to them by a gene. 

Join me on this wondrous journey, as I will share with you my every moment, keep reading my other blogs. Hoping to touch, understand, and maybe saving a life.

If you need to contact me, please do at psychology.817@gmail.com

p.s when reading my blog please start from the bottom and work your way up, I cant seem to find how to adjust that, therefore bottom is the beginning of the story and upper are recent. 

Pain that makes you, not breaks you.

First day/week of chemo!

Although my C-T scans have shown otherwise, my doctor needed to cross her t's and dot the i's. She requested I go get a bone biopsy to confirm the results of her findings. It was once more a procedure, in order for them to get a sample, they had to sedate me fully, it was the same anesthesiologist who had worked on me the day of my lumpectomy, therefore I was relieved with his previous work and to see a familiar face. It was what felt a quick, I went into a deep sleep and back to awoken into consciousness. Tears come down my face upon my awakening, grateful to be up and alive once more perusal, they put me in a wheelchair since I was unstable to walk and wheeled me into the infusion center which is apart of the oncology department to get my weekly chemotherapy. They sit me onto a sofa incliner, as I settle in, I was still feeling drowsy, going in and out of sleeps. The nurses came to say hello to me, I was assigned one nurse that day who gave me all my meds and chemo. At one point Dr. Jhawer comes in to check-up on me, but all I remember was mumbles and blurred visions. To begin my chemo I had to be given what they called a "cocktail" of meds, they were for prevention; pepto bismol  for nausea and benadryl being it was a foreign thing inserted into my body, we had to make sure I wouldn't work up an allergic reaction. When given benadryl, all I remember was 5 minutes of consciousness and back into my deep sleep! the whole day felt loopy we had begun at 9:30 am and finished 6:00 pm. First day of chemo, being its something new, they had to give me a high dosage to familiarize my body with it.one hour of Herceptin and one hour of Toxol.

We had to go in strong with the two different types of chemo, one was to target the breast area (Herceptin) and the other to target any potential spreads in the body which we do not see (Toxol). I will be doing 12 sessions of these two, once every week. Herecptin will keep going up to a year.

When I finally woke up towards the end of my chemo session, I woke up with a bitter taste, eyuk! I tried to drink water to wash the taste out of my mouth, but the water was no good, it tasted like metal. I was miserable! When I went home that week, I was feeling fatigue, nausea, the bitter taste was still there no matter what I ate, blurred vision, a feeling as though I wanted to rip the skin off of my body!  I hated this feeling.... :( they were all expected, as I have been told the previous week during chemo talk, but still what was said is nothing compared what is really experienced! but all in all I still keep up my faith in god, I know he will take care of me.  

You don't know until you have experienced it yourself, so keep your comments to yourself, because no you don't understand...

Unpredictable Me

A day I will never forget. I will begin with a rewind of a week prior to this date, I went into my standard weekly appointment with Dr. Jhawer, as we were going through with our next steps, she asked me the procedural questions, if I had any questions or concerns. I mentioned to her that lately I was unable to run and when I walked for a while it pained me which caused me to limp on my right leg. She addressed my concerns did a few physical tests on me, then wrote me to get an emergency C-T scan. A week later of completing my scan, we go in to see her perusal to get my results, I will never forget that day because I woke up happy, the whole morning me and Sam have been so silly, laughing at everything as we waited to go in for my appointment. As soon as we walked in, there was an airy feel about Dr. Jhawer, not like the times before we had met with her and quickly our mood switched over. She had a worried face, a face I did not like so she cuts right through it and tells us that my cancer has now been labeled as metastatic cancer, it has now spread to my pelvic bone... when we heard what she said, the feeling when I was first told my diagnosis back in December has now come back, I had been punched in my stomach once more, I couldn't even look at Sam because I had to keep my strong composure what she had just gone through hearing that was hard enough on her as is. I couldn't let her see my hurt. From the side of my eye I can see tears flowing down her face and that broke my heart into pieces. We were both confused, after my head stopped spinning I manged to utter the words, why? how? when? she went on explaining to us the medical terms of why it happened and how, I still was left confused I just couldn't grasp the idea of it all, yet here I was once more hopeless, I went from a high of hopes to crashed dreams. I was scared, terrified, if it has spread to my bone where else has it gone? will I be okay is what kept running through my mind, I didn't know what to think anymore, I feel like I was suffocating and I needed to let it out somehow.

Dr. Jhawer went on telling us that we needed to start chemo ASAP therefore she scheduled me to begin the following week. It was time for us to leave, before I left she requested I to get some blood work done, Sam left me to go out to get some fresh air, as I went into the lab to get my blood drawn, I could feel like I can no longer hold it in, my tears start to stream down my face, a force I knew I couldn't stop so I just let it all come out. When I went back to meet with Sam, I washed my face and got my composure back together. I tried to let out a smile to ensure her and myself that everything will be okay, the whole ride home what a shift in moods we had, not a word was spoken, it was as though we had just come back from a bus hitting into us. I didn't know how to break the news once more to the ones I love dearest and most. It took me a while, but they are still standing strong besides me. 

You see life is unexpected, we never know what it will throw at us and we are never prepared for its hits, but I do know that one must ride it out, accept it as it is and let it be there's not much you can do at this point. 

Love those who love you the most.

Power Port!

This week I had my port inserted; I did not know what was being done to me until it was done. I had an idea, but I did not think it would be to this extent.  A power port is my port type; it was a mini surgery where they partly sedated me. I went in to check in for a port insertion, when they tell me to go into a room change out of my clothes and into a gown.  After I was escorted into a room with beds, I lay on it as I waited for my sister to find me, when she came in she was as shocked as me “I didn’t think it was going to be to this degree “she said, I nodded with agreement I don’t know what we thought, but we didn’t think it will be like a surgery. The nurse rolls my bed into another room, pre-surgery they take my blood pressure, heart rate etc.  The surgeon then, who was going to be inserting my port, came to introduce himself to me along with his other assistants who will be helping in the surgery. It is now time for the procedure, I get reeled into the surgical room, I start to feel drowsy from the sedation I knock out, in the middle of it all I can feel myself waking in and out of my sleep, I can hear the doctor talking, those assisting him responding, I can feel pressure on my upper chest where it is being worked on, but no pain. I can’t see anything because my face was covered, I just want it to end is all I kept thinking, a half an hour later they were all done and I can feel myself getting back to full consciousness. Tears then started to fall down my cheeks a sigh of relief it seems. I come out finally to find my sister waiting for me; it was nice to see her familiar face. They had me rest in bed for two hours before letting me go, I was finally starting to get out of bed just fine, walking and talking. We go home, I then started to feel the aches and pains of the aftermath of the surgery, boy was it hard to sleep! Later on the week it started to become harder for me to breath from the pain, I was then admitted to the E.R they were worried of any infections which is why I was admitted, but all was well just the pain triggered a few nerves. One week later and I have healed just fine.  I thought I would introduce to you what a port was and the process of it. The purpose of the port is to use it as an IV line instead of having to stick my arms with needles once I started my chemo treatments. Through it, the chemo will be inserted and blood pulled out of it for any testing’s needed.

On the bright side of this week, my sister and sister in-law flew all the way from California to see me! how special do I feel. I love me some Bondus and Aly xx

  -To appreciate your gains, you must first endure the pain J

Seacrhing for Tomorrow

As I search for words to write this week, I don't know why I am struggling with my flow.

I finally met with my oncologist  she was a mess, the type who is all over the place, yet in a way I liked it. My first impression was that she was very knowledgeable at what she does, her sign of messiness in a way came off as a mad scientist  who may look mad, but in fact is a genius! she made me feel at ease with her kind and gentle ways, she spoke with poise as though this was all a piece of cake, knowing exactly what she needed to do!... speaking to both her and my surgeon, gathering the information that they have given as the results of my first biopsy for the HER2 ("Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2") came back positive.

"HER2-positive breast cancer is a breast cancer that tests positive for a protein called human epidermal growth factor receptor 2 (HER2), which promotes the growth of cancer cells. In about 1 of every 5 breast cancers, the cancer cells make an excess of HER2 due to a gene mutation. This gene mutation and the elevated levels of HER2 that it causes can occur in many types of cancer — not only breast cancer. This is a gene mutation that occurs only in the cancer cells and is not a type of mutation that you can inherit from a parent. HER2-positive breast cancers tend to be more aggressive than other types of breast cancer. They're also less responsive to hormone treatment. However, treatments that specifically target HER2 are very effective." 

This changes my type of treatment now it wont be just radiation, but a type of treatment called : Trastuzumab (Herceptin). Trastuzumab, which specifically targets HER2, kills these cancer cells and decreases the risk of recurrence. Therefore that's been my update of last week. If you need more info on where I cited these from here is the website: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/breast-cancer/AN00495

Thought of the week:
Everyone has a problem, you decide how big or how small you want to make your problem aught to be? we all may deal with our problems differently, but the one way we should deal with them similarly, which is the healthy way, facing our problems and facing them headstrong! There should be no fear because nothing is ever unsolvable and what may seem as never solved, well remember not everything is in our control. We give what we are capable of giving, which is our all. Everyone has a problem, you decide who you want to face these problems with. Just like math problems, you solve and keep going to the next, please don't fill the bag on your back with "past-junk" what past has passed. A different day is given each day and tomorrow is always a new one, never forget that. You are only breaking your back with a junk load in your bag of life, the lighter the better. Solve each issue as it arises and keep moving, looking back is only going to paralyze you from moving ahead. Having a past is good to shape us for who we are today, but never let it catch up with your present, always look ahead and never behind. Unload your junk each night before you go to sleep, make it a habit. I hope you succeed at it with a bright future to await you. 

Learn from today, Live for tomorrow.

       

Healing

Monday's surgery went well al hamdullah.
I am thankful to be alive and given each day as a blessing.

I can't explain the day, the day I woke up into reality. I know I have been blogging about my illness, about how I am slowly accepting it, but the day I came out of my surgery something in me told me this was it, I really am sick and I started to cry for a few seconds, not knowing what those feelings were, shocked? maybe relieved? since I came out safely, but something in me just released that day and now I know that I really do have breast cancer. Interesting, how it all feels, as much as I try to convey it to you all through my writing, its still not close enough to the real deal. I wish upon it on no one and to those who are going through something similar, I am now starting to understand. This may not make sense, none of what I've written so far, but somehow I finally woke up to reality. None the less, my feelings towards going headstrong with my fight has not changed one bit! Thank you once again for reaching out to me before and after my surgery xx

Wednesday is my scheduled appointment with my oncologist yaay! we are finally going to meet. Although I am given this whole month to rest and heal ( which is all I have been doing, getting tired of sleeping, I never thought I'd ever hear myself saying, two years ago I cried for just more than five hours of sleep!) we are only going to meet one another and just go over what will happen next month, treatment wise. Thursday I meet with my surgeon who I love and forever thankful for, I once heard "she has the hands of an angel" which she truly does! she will be checking up on my scars.

Embrace the power of positivity!
My quote of the week and I believe its going to continue that way for as long as I live. You see we are given this life to live as a gift, but sadly enough we do not appreciate its benefits until we are put in a tough situation such as so, but what if we are not given a second chance, then what..? Why don't we just try to make the best of it as though it is the only chance given to us? embrace the positivity that is roaming around you rather than knit-picking the negativity that is happening to you. My situation gave me two routes to choose from, one was the negative route which I am certain will kill me soon enough! or the positive one that whatever length of life I am given to live, I will at least say I have lived it happily. I know transforming our lives into living it at the best of our abilities is easier said than done, but no one said to start with a big-bang! start with something as simple as saying thank you to everything you are given each day and starting/ ending your day with a smile. I know the smile bit sounds silly, but believe me its crazy what a difference it will make when you wake up smiling, go ahead try it.. you know you want to :) Envision your happiness and make it happen.

keep holding on to your faith and you will be alright !
Until we meet again, may you have a week full of happiness and laughter coming from the heart. 

Today is the day !

As I have prepared myself mentally and psychically throughout these last months, I am now ready to go through with my surgery. Everyone around me are asking, how I'm feeling, whats going through my head?... and this is what I feel....

As I reflect back on when the news was first announced to me, I have mentally and emotionally come a long way. As a young woman undergoing this battle, I've grown stronger not only because of my well being, but because of those around me. I have been loved, cared for, and supported up until this point, Al hamdullah for my Family and loved ones. If I have not said it often, I love you all from the depths of my heart, you are the reason I am strong and continue to grow stronger each day. Family and loved one's are the key ingredients for such a fight, along with all the medical aspects that come along with it.

Right now my thoughts are not fear nor angst, but more like anxiousness to finally get this tumor out of me safely, I hope and pray that it goes through successfully. I feel as though I am carrying a ticking bomb in my chest and if I do not remove anytime soon that it will shortly explode into my body...This surgery couldn't have come any time sooner, yet it has come and today is the date.

Thought of the week:

Always think positive, don't ever let words bring you down, for you are stronger than that. There will be tough days and there will be easy days, that's life. It is not and will never be perfectly balanced, but you make the best out of what is given to you. There will be many dark days, yet don't and never give up, a light will come which will shine through and lighten up your days. I promise you that much. Believe in yourself, you can and you will. Life is a mix of series you decided which will make or break you. You want to be known as the one who fought it through from beginning to the end. At the end of the day, At least you tried, it has made you who you are.

Today is my eldest sister birthday, a day like this couldn't have been anymore than a blessing in disguise. I wish for her nothing but health and happiness for today and many years to come, for she has been a great help and an amazing older sister just as she has always been. I am forever thankful to her. Happy Birthday Sam, I love you for always being you.