Take It Day By Day

I received a phone call from my doctor this week, she wants to meet with me this Tuesday to go over all the test results, what will happen for my surgery, and after the surgery. March 4th inshallah is a set date for my surgery. Nothing else has happened this week, but that. I am now much relieved to have a set date, keeping the ball of this journey rolling. Al hamdullah everything is going so smoothly.  

Aside from my situation, being young with breast cancer. A finding which I stumbled upon during my researches, just a fact of the week one can say. Which, it is common for males to have breast cancer as well. A topic I wanted to bring to your attention. Shockingly, I know. Breast cancer was always something we associated with females only.

"Male breast cancer is cancer that forms in the breast tissue of men. A man's lifetime risk of developing breast cancer is about 1/10 of 1%, or one in 1,000. Male breast cancer is most common in older men, though male breast cancer can occur at any age. The most common sign of breast cancer in men is a firm, non painful mass located just below the nipple. There may not be other associated symptoms. The average size of breast cancer in men when first discovered is about 2.5 cm in diameter. The cancer may cause skin changes in the area of the nipple. These changes can include ulceration of the skin, puckering or dimpling, redness or scaling of the nipple, or retraction (turning inward) of the nipple. Bloody or opaque discharge from the nipple may also occur. Less than 1% of cases are bilateral (occurring on both sides). Since men have little breast tissue, cancers in male breasts are easily palpable (located by feel)"

Thought of the week:

Anxiety, as a human being is only natural to feel in a time like this. Overly thinking of whats going to happen to me next, when the surgery and treatment is done, then what? will it come back, will I be alright? all these thoughts are running through my mind and i'm sure through your minds also, going through a similar or a different form of battle. What you have to remind yourselves,  given any big  or small catastrophe happening to you right now, that you do not have control over it, you just need to let nature run its course, as long as your doing all that is needed to be done, giving it your 100% then there is nothing more to be done, but to wait it out. Take it day by day. Stressing yourself over and over again is only going to deteriorate your mind and body. Really, think about it. When was the last time you heard such and such solved their issue by overly stressing? Never! Therefore, worrying is NOT the answer to any of your problems, deal with them positively. I ran across a quote the other day I thought i'd share it with you " Most of The things You Worry About Never Happen!" Never forget that. 

Live today, let tomorrow come on its own time.

Grateful

I don't know where to begin,

I would like to express my gratitude towards everyone who has come through showing their love and support. By all means, you have all moved me. Most importantly I am grateful for all the compassion you have showed my sister Sondos and my family, thank you. The messages were overwhelming as they came pouring in, I always thought I was just another human, yet seeing the impact which I have made on each and every one of you throughout my life, it made me feel like someone unique. I feel cherished and that is all thanks to you. I love you all dearly, ameen to all your prayers. You are all in mine.

My update, Good News!

Now being that we did not have breast cancer in the family, the nurse working on my case went on and did other testings a few weeks ago which I have received the results this past Wednesday, the blood work I tested for was a really large gene called the "BRCA"  which is;
        
        "(breast cancer 1, early onset) is a human tumor suppressor gene, which produces a   protein, called breast cancer type 1 susceptibility protein. It is found in the cells of breast and other tissue, where it helps repair damaged DNA, and destroy the cell when DNA can't be repaired. If BRCA1 itself is damaged, the damaged DNA can let the cell duplicate without control, and turn into a cancer." 


luckily my results came out negative, which means I do not have it and my genes and they are not mutating, yet this is leaving my doctor and nurse baffled as to why I have breast cancer..???! for now this is all still a mystery. Throwing out there reasons why it could be, things such as something I was exposed to at some point, the food I have been eating, now mind you these last five years they assume is when it started forming inside my body and in these past five years; I have not been paying attention to my diet, eating less with a drastic weight loss, over worked and barely rested, stressing myself, anxieties, over thinking, feeling down, you name it, all that is harmful to my body and health which they tell you not to do because it may cause illnesses such as cancer, I have done! I am too young to be having breast cancer yet here I am. Its funny actually, at my appointments when I was going in to get diagnosed and as I attend all my other appointments, I would be sitting in waiting areas with women who roughly looked 40-50+ which definitely tells you something about my situation, what am I doing here and why? 


Being that I have tested negative on the BRCA and my other blood work, MRI, PET scan came out clean, no cancer spread through my body, (al hamdullah) I am now a candidate for a "lumpectomy" which is to surgically remove the tumor and any tissues around it in my breast, had it come out positive then I would have opted to doing a "mastectomy" which is surgically removing the whole breast and maybe the second to stay on the safe side that it wouldn't mutate, coming back on the other side. My age being so young would have put me in a risk due to my hormones being all over the place, it would have caused the damaged cells to mutate quicker! my surgical date is yet to be scheduled.   


These past few months I have been re-evaluating my life, I have really sat back and looked at the bigger picture, we are running after this life for survival yet we forget, slowing down is the key to staying alive. Our bodies are not machines, they are bound to break down when overly or improperly used. There is so much one can handle that you need to remind yourselves we are not supermen/ and or superwomen. One needs to remember that life is about taking it day by day, here I am work free, stress free this illness oddly enough has made me feel alive again, enjoying each and every moment I am given, blessed to see another day. It turns out here I was running around trying to make a living for myself, that I wasn't really "Living". I know this may sound cliche, but slow down and smell the flowers, they actually have a scent! There are things we tend to forget when we are so caught up with "survival mode", working is good, yes to make ends meet, but do remember to take a break, appreciate your life, your family and loved ones. Everything will happen when the time is right, no need to stress in the moment, leave it to the future to unravel itself.   


If you need to contact me, please do at psychology.817@gmail.com


I wish for you to live a beautiful life x

An unexpected, Happy new year?

Where do I begin..?

It has been an eventful last few months. It all began on December 27th, 2012. After a lovely night out with my bestfriend, I return home and is about to call it a night, as I was changing I felt pain on my chest, which then led me to touching the pain. Tracing my fingers to where it was coming from, I landed on a lump close enough to my chest bone attached to my right breast. I dismissed it as "nothing serious" and went on with my weekend. As the days passed the pain became unbearable, I started to search on the net, diagnosing myself (mistake #1) never diagnose yourself on the net as it is such wide ranged "anyone and everyone" is on there adding bits of information they see as right, big mistake as not all websites are verified and also you could diagnose yourself with something scarier than it may be or you can go the other way and read about something thinking you do not fall under that "category" dismissing yourself.

I thought, "I have to seek a physician to do something about this pain, make it stop." therefore I did. seeing the doctor, he assured me there is nothing to worry about, he said the lump could be one of three things:
1.) Fibroadenoma - is a noncancerous (benign) tumor.
2.) Abscess- is a collection of pus in any part of the body that, in most cases, causes swelling and inflammation around it.
3.) Breast cancer

he order I get an ultrasound to collect more information on the lump, when the results came out It was hard mass and not liquid filled which ruled out it being an "abscess. He let me know, there should be nothing to concern me that at my age and family history it wont be cancer, but we can never be too sure. Thereafter he took a biopsy of my tissue and sent it to a cancer center. Everyone at the hospital was comforting me, saying there is nothing to be worried about that I am too young to be thinking of any negative possibilities...

I went home that night and spent new years eve with my family.

Day of the results

Two days later I was asked to come into the doctors office, he looked distraught but at that time I paid no attention to his body language, I was in my own world thinking of other thoughts.

He and the nurse brought me into his office and started to interrogate me some more about my family history, now it wasn't just breast cancer history, it was cancer in general if anyone in my family has had any? I told them what I knew, then they quickly rushed me to get more testings to be done on me, things such as;  a more deeper form of biopsy taking out a larger amount of tissue, MRI, mammogram etc. they had an idea but wanted to be certain a 100% before breaking the news to me. The news at that moment I was far from thinking of it coming.

Here I was sitting on that chair listening to the news I never in my life thought I would hear. I am 26 years old, I had no history of breast cancer in my family, I did not show signs on my breast besides the lump, had been diagnosed with what is known to be Invasive ductal carcinoma (DIC) stage two breast cancer. Luckily they said we had detected it early on. My head was spinning I could not grasp what I was hearing, I felt my world crumbling down on me, I couldn't get up, I lost all sensation in my legs, I could feel my stomach turning upside down I was feeling sick, how? why? surely this was a mistake, isn't it? they both sat besides me comforting me talking about the next steps to be done now, at that moment I could hear them talking, but my soul was no longer in my body, I was floating watching this whole scene happening, it felt surreal, a nightmare waiting for someone to wake me up. I wanted to scream but instead an uncontrollable set of tears started to come down my face.

The first thought that came to mind, it wasn't the cancer part, it was my family. How do I break the news to them, my friends, how do you tell your loved one's you've been diagnosed with cancer? I was heartbroken, and more worried about them than myself. I called the first person who was dear to me, he comforted me and told me all will be alright, although he like the rest of us was now shocked, this was news the last thing on our minds. None the less he pulled himself together and gave me words of strength and courage. I still did not know how to break the news to my mother, who was anxiously awaiting for my phone call with the results of my biopsy. I asked my doctor to give her a call, I couldn't bear to do it myself, I just couldn't. My mother called me short after hearing the news, in a weird way I was expecting her to be mad at me, yet she was not after all I was her daughter, I can tell from the tone of her voice she was trying to hide the sadness and pain, she was being very gentle and said she couldn't wait till I got home.

Let my Journey begin, I am still alive!

I was having such a hard time grasping the idea as the days passed. My close family and friends know now, they have all been so loving and caring I wouldn't know where to begin at how they have humbled me with their kindness and support, I love you all dearly always and forever, thank you for making my life so beautiful. Being able to love is a choice, but being loved is a blessing. You all give me the courage and strength every day, all day.

The first week was my darkest days, I cried day and night, was angry with myself for getting myself to this point, over these past few years my body lacked malnutrition, I let myself get to the lowest of my lows, I thought surely my habits and ways have got me to where I am today. One night I thought to myself the way my family and I having been crying as though we are mourning the death of me, yet here I was STILL ALIVE! I snapped myself out of it quickly and thought at the rate I was going I am killing instead of better myself, I needed to change my way of thinking, my eating habits, my way of living, and reason of living, I felt I was reborn.

Remember, cancer feeds off of negativity, it overcomes you and your body, always remember to stay positive so you can overcome it. I had to remind myself that, after all this was my job helping those with cancer to stay positive and become better fighters.

I let this experience shine down on me as a ray of light through the dark tunnel that I have been stuck in all these years. I turned to my higher power and started to pray putting my soul at ease,  now I'm thinking twice before I put anything in my body , eating only whats good for me and boy how the magnifying glass opens up your eyes to the garbage foods we insert into our bodies, as though they are garbage bags and not something delicate to be taking care of. Educate yourselves from the many sources we have out there, aside from the net, its always better to be safe than sorry.

I know now, what I didn't know then.